What do you want to be the line that lets your children know you mean business?

The point behind say it then make it happen/step 1 followed immediately by step 4/GOYBP is that YOU are responsible for making your words have meaning. Once your children realize that your words have meaning AND they have the maturity to do it without help they will. Like I say, resistance is futile

When people’s words don’t have meaning to their child or they are not creating that reality (best done while the child is developing maturity) they will find a perceived *need* of spankings or time outs or threats or punishment of some sort. But even then . . . the spanking or the time out or the threat or the punishment is when the child believes you mean what you say.

which means . . . you’ve created a line farther away than your words. Your words don’t actually have meaning–the spanking or the threat or whatever is what has meaning. I want my WORDS to have meaning! THAT is obedience.

Doing what you say out of fear of a punishment is NOT obedience. It’s fear of pain/punishment. Perfect love casts out all fear because it’s based on trusting the person issuing the instruction–trusting that they have your best interest at heart, trusting that you need to listen to what they are telling you.

I’ve learned that resistance is futile with the Lord because when I resist His instructions I fall and scrape my knee, or I bump my head, or I suffer something else because of my stubbornness–not because He is angry that I haven’t listened. But because HIS instructions are for MY benefit! My good. His plans for me are to prosper me and bless me, not to bring me harm

And when my children do not listen to me they are at risk for harm–from themselves and others. NEVER from me. But it’s important that my words have meaning–so that they can get to them, embrace them, learn from them and be blessed by them. I do not want a line where they know I mean what I say that is farther away from my heart than my words

How about you? If your child doesn’t understand that your words have meaning are you willing to put in the effort to teach this in the new year? When they get it and can, they WILL obey. If they aren’t obeying it’s because either 1) your words don’t have meaning yet so keep teaching it and be consistent and/or 2) they lack the maturity to consistently do it which means . . . keep teaching so when they do, they will

I am not even sitting here with a list of what all didn’t get done because surviving it is the biggest praise report!

So let me share some changes that have happened this year . . . Bill is unable to work due to disability. His ulcerative colitis caused a second auto-immune condition to develop and he now has rheumatoid arthritis as well. I don’t want to say too much as we have an attorney and a pending Social Security Disability case. I will say this has made for some huge shifts is how things are done around our house as well as our perspectives on what is important.

One thing we have done as this year closed out is follow the Lord’s leading to start Shema Congregation www.hearunderstandobey.com. This is a Nazarene Messianic Congregation in our town and we are so thrilled with the core group of families and individuals who are studying with us. We go through the Torah/HafTorah and NT portions in order to see how they all fit together and seek a deeper understanding of the message of all of Scripture.

One new thing to watch for in 2010 is the Lutton Family website which will be a hub for all of our existing endeavors as well as some new ones. Another thing to watch for is online seminars I’ll be leading on topics related to parenting (theory and practical tools) and theology and personal development. We had hoped to have it all ready to start in January but now our goal is the end of January to have it all together. Much more realistic.

Realistic is a big word going forward. But not as big as integrated. So much of my life has felt fractured this last year and I have struggled with finding the balance in it all. As we go into the new year I feel more integrated. It’s a good feeling.

I wish you all a Happy New Year. May you leave 2009 with no regrets and may you enter 2010 with hope and dreams and enough practical know how to move towards accomplishing them.