for me the election is over THANK GOD!  Just waiting for everyone else to vote and us to get an answer.

What I woke up thinking about today, though, was how frustrating this election has been for me personally.  I’m a registered Republican–all of my life the Republican party has upheld (in word even when not in deed) policies of fiscal conservativism, smaller government, defense of Israel, sanctity of life, all sorts of things that are very important to me.  I could be a Libertarian if it weren’t that I do think we need some laws to govern those who are not going to govern themselves and their “leave Israel to itself” policy makes me shiver.  Granted, it’s a leave “everyone” to themselves policy, but that includes Israel and I can’t go there with them

But these last four years with Bush have been . . . disappointing. I have disagreed with several things he has done. I have lost an immense amount of respect for him.  And then the Republican party put up McCain.  I was so frustrated during the primaries while first one candidate and then another, as soon as I would put my support behind them, dropped out of the race when there was no apparent reason for them to do so.  And we got stuck with McCain.  He happens to be the congressman from my state and, to be perfectly honest, I haven’t supported him in his runs for Congress for years now!

While his speech at the Republican convention really touched me and I saw a different side of him, during his years in Congress I have known him to be a hothead, and, even worse to me, a liberal in conservative clothing.  He calls it “bipartisanship” but I call it abandoning the things you say you stand for in order to do things you say you don’t.  During every test I took during the election I found myself banging my head because I came up so very matched with McCain–but with what he SAYS.  He always says what I agree with, but he doesn’t do it too often for me to feel comfortable.

Early on I was impressed with Obama.  I was researching this election very carefully–moreso than any previous election. And the things at Obama’s site were things I could really get behind.  When it comes to abortion he talks about the need to make social changes that reduce the  number of women who find themselves pregnant, scared, and seeking an abortion. I agree with that. And at his website he talks about being totally pro-Israel.

Then he started opening his mouth . . . and I have never been so confused.  And I looked at his limited voting record and found  myself scratching my head that he has so often voted against things he says he supports . . . and then my access to a voting record dried up because he has voted “present” more often than anything else and the votes he does have say some very strong things about him.

But he kept talking . . . and I have never been so confused.

and people started worshiping him and I have never been so shocked at my fellow countrymen and women.

Questions have been asked about where he stands on this or that, what he has done, WHO he is . . . and when I’ve tried to find answers from asking his supporters that I know I get told:  If you liked him, you would trust him.

WHAT??? I didn’t choose my husband with that little regard!  I’m certainly not going to NOT want answers about the question marks surrounding a man who wants to be the President of the US!  I don’t dislike him–I can’t find any information on which to base any knowledge to like or dislike him.

He’s going to bring “change”–but what change? I don’t happen to believe that all change is good.  But most of my more liberal minded friends have been quick to assure me that “any change from what we have is good”.  I completely disagree!  There are so many things that are different from what we currently have that I could see being hell on earth!  One of them seems to be where Obama has headed in the last month or so–socialism.

I don’t agree with socialism.  Unlike a lot of people I don’t feel I’m a victim in my life and I can choose to live anywhere I want around the world.  Don’t ask why we choose to live in the desert when I hate it so much–the simple answer is that it’s vitally important for us to raise our children around their grandparents and extended family and for some unknown reason they all love it here.  But we choose to stay.  And I don’t choose to live in a socialist country!  Obama says he calls it all sorts of things besides socialism, but at the end of the day that’s what it is.

Which leaves me knowing next to nothing about Obama, except things that really concern me about his policies.  But I do believe he is a very level headed, sincere man.  I want to like him. I understand the response to his charisma.  I don’t get the worship, but I get the support

Then there are the third party candidates. I mentioned Libertarian above, but as I investigated each of the third parties (something I’ve never seriously done before because I wasn’t going to throw away my vote–but when I wasn’t going to vote for this President I figured I should at least check them out ) I ran into things with each party that I just couldn’t support. I have never banged my head so much during an election season.

Whoever wins I believe our country is in a desparate place and I’m not sure that either candidate is going to do things that I will support–fully or partially.  I have found myself wondering if we’re more in a Greek Tragedy where enough prophecy has been given that everyone runs around trying to prevent it and the very things they do are what bring about the prophecy occuring.  I’m waiting until the peace treaty between Israel and the Arab Nations is signed and then . . . well, that’s another entry.

Let’s just say I’m not going to say who I voted for.  And let’s just say that I have never stared at the options so long before marking my choice. But in the end I did find one I agreed with more than the others, and some I absolutely do not want in office.  And we’ll see what the rest of the country decides.  But thank God I’m done