I’m at delightinreallife.com and as I see she’s written a book on Proverbs 31 that I’m not familiar with the content of I’m going to give the give the generic disclaimer and just say I don’t endorse everything on the sight but I love the free downloads for organizing and time management.  I’ve got ALL of my videos in boxes from M-1 (M is for Movie in case you didn’t get that ) to M-8.  And I have a page in my Mama Domain notebook that I can reference (well, two pages actually ) if I need to find a movie. I used it right before the Colorado Springs trip   And I’m filling out the Time Tracker Chart pages today.

See, I’m too busy.  The woman on my spiritual board at the District Boards told me as much, and I didn’t disagree, but as she predicted it is biting me in the bunnies and I need to do something about it.  This next week is really busy with our last Science Coop (which, of course, I’m teaching) and then my life mellows tremendously. I have other one time stuff I don’t want to get into and then the following week things actually mellow out.  I thought I wouldn’t need to do this exercise because my life would slow down but then it hit me . . . if I do this exercise I could SEE my time and then, because I’m visual and need to learn from seeing, I could PROTECT that time.  IOW, I can actively prevent my week from filling up to the level it has been filled up to so far this year.

I’m actually getting excited.  And I was almost completed through June until I realized something . . . by putting myself at the front of the list of names on the charts I was missing the point of my life.  I actually made the mistake of putting myself, then the children being homeschooled, then dh whose schedule is mostly out of my hands, and then the bubbies who have the least stuff scheduled . . . and that is really messed up in order *smacks head*.  So I’m reprinting and starting over.  DH, who works hard for this family and on whom I have to rely for help in my schedule and availability is going to be at the front of each days time tracking.  Then the homeschooled children, then the bubbies who are my joy and responsibility and who have to be planned for in all of my time tracking, and then me.  I have to see all of their obligations as my obligations if I’m going to work around them with the proper mindset.

So on this mother’s day I have gotten my dh’s vehicle maintenanced and put a new tire on it, and am planning my life as a mother for the next few months.  I think that’s a pretty awesome mother’s day actually.  Because I am a mother–and my life as a mother is really intensely overwhelming–I’m spending mother’s day refocusing and blessing my dh–the one who has made it possible for me to do all I do in ministry and motherhood (my greatest calling in ministry) and figuring out how I’m going to make it through the rest of the year without being totally overwhelmed.

I love being organized. I love being on top of things. And since I’ve felt on the bottom of things for some time, and like I’m digging out, I’m getting my life reordered and restructured.

And watching the rest of Season Two of Grey’s Anatomy

I know. I know. This is a constant theme in my life–but that’s a good thing.  Since reading Organizing From the Inside Out and learning I’m already organized but sabotage myself and stopping that I’ve moved on to organizing all sorts of areas of my life–closets and rooms and now . . . my schedule.  Unfortunately I have not planned well and will have to continue this later because I have to run to the store for ink–the page I was printing can’t print without it LOL

it’s hard to find your core and stand up straight–especially in the midst of a storm.

Everything in my life has turned upside down in the last month.

We’re on the verge of finding out what is wrong with me.  I will probably be getting a biopsy before the end of the week; Monday at the latest.  The hope is we will rule out cancer but also check for many other things–it will be combined with a deep ultrasound.  If it’s not cancer then there is something my body has been fighting for a long long time–years. I’m inclined, given my medical history, to think it’s the latter–but that still begs the question WHAT??? And how quickly or easily will a test discover it and can we treat it?

So–we’re close to getting answers but I’m talking about losing my moorings. . .

Someone I thought was a constant in my life–a sure thing–has disappeared.  Not in a “gone” way that one can grieve and recover from. More in a things exploded and make no sense and we can talk about it later but not now way.  Thankfully my husband and mother are here and, I’m sad to realize, I’ve put more hope and love into this other person than I’ve had to give recently.  This seemed, at first glance, to come at the worst possible time in my life. In reality, it’s come at the most opportune.

I’ve had to step back and reexamine what I thought was sure in my life; I’ve had to reexamine my foundation, my bearings, my moorings, my journey–everything.  And I’m good

The twins made me doubt myself–not them, but their arrival.  It was out of my control completely–and their emergency preemie c-section left me doubting myself and my ability to care for them and for everyone and for everything.  As I’ve gotten back on my feet I went on auto pilot and was doing everything I could that I used to do.  But that meant I needed more help–help with my children and life to be there for everyone else. Out of order.  I’ve been afraid I wouldn’t be able to really be the mom of five including twins that I desired to be–that they needed me to be. I knew I could be there for everyone else, but for two children who almost died and I couldn’t even carry them to term? How could I hope to parent them well?

This week has been spent living in order.  Godly order.  I’ve tended more to my family than friends or other obligations. I’ve found time to confidently do all my work responsibilities without feeling guilty I was taking time away from this, that or the other.  I’ve spent less time on the phone and more time homeschooling my children. Less time online and more time living.  And, I’m proud to announce, I CAN care for these children. I saw them through that time, held their hand, prayed them through procedures and surgeries, and I can parent them today and with anything that life throws at us!

So, ultimately, I owe a great deal of thanks to someone in my life for what I at first thought I might not recover from.  By having to reexamine my life I’ve realized how out of order I was. And had the chance to correct this. I’m refocused, and excited. What was scaring me, is now invigorating me.  I’m not sure where they will fit in my life from now on.  I guess one risk of taking a peg out of the jenga game is that when things fall they don’t get built back in the same way.  Pegs end up in different places. They play different roles.

But while God doesn’t promise us everything will be happy, or that we won’t face problems, God really does work all things together for good.