I really dread doing undergraduate papers.  It seems like with my Masters and two books under my belt it should be easy to just “throw together” a simple undergraduate paper.  Instead, it causes me to lose sleep.  I remember entering college and going from 1-3 page papers to 3-5 page papers and fearing I wouldn’t have enough to say on a topic. Then I started seminary and it went from 3-5 pages to 10-15 and by the end of my degree I would hear 15-25 and think, “Can I summarize it in that few pages?”  Now I’m back to 3-5 pages and I feel like I only get to scratch the surface of a topic.  It’s constraining in a way that the writer in me wants to rebel against.  Add to that the topic choice challenge and I have no idea what to write.

By the end of this week I have to choose a topic for the final paper and submit it for approval to the professor. It can be anything appropriate to the narrow topic of “Christian ministry” LOLOL  *sigh*  So I’m going to brainstorm topics here.  I don’t know if it will be easier to summarize a topic I’m already well familiar with or if I should do something new.  My concern with that is that if I summarize something I am already familiar with I can narrow down the topic enough, perhaps, to write a short chapter on it and fit within the paper constraints.  If I choose a new topic then I may just skim the surface and not be happy with my writing.  I don’t want a loose outline–I’d like to make a point.

Maybe when GCM opens later today (assuming I can get it right this week *smacks head*) I may post in TI and ask for suggestions hee hee

I’m thinking of echad as the foundation for exercising spiritual gifts, or God’s intentions for evangelism (dh’s gift that I’m blessed to witness).  I could also write on preaching being in tune with God.  Or what about the need for grace, not fear, as the foundation for salvation.  Making disciples vs Making converts.  The concept of wiping dust from our feet.  The non-detachable Body.  Living your gifts not everyone else’s and the risk of pursuing too many books that tell you how to be a good Christian based on their gifts.   The need for the mother heart of God in teaching.  Ministry to women.  The danger of the false doctrine of spanking on the spread of the Gospel (can I do that in 3-5 pages only???).

I worry now that I’ll want to pursue a topic that will be the small spider in my dream hee hee.  I need prayer and wise counsel here.

don’t mess up your checking account

I started two things that Bank of America offered to “help me” with my banking (specifically tracking my account online and their Keep the Change program that takes spare change from debit purchases and puts it into savings) and my account has never been MORE out of control.  *sigh*

For one thing, the Keep the Change doesn’t send the change immediately to savings. Rather, it bulks it up and sends it in large chunks.  This wouldn’t be too bad except you can’t record your spending to the next dollar amount because then you’re trying to figure out, when it comes time to balance, which purchase *this* $40 truly reflects.  Also, combined with the online bank tracking, it was appearing that I had a certain amount and then WHAM a huge chunk was pulled out for the last 10 purchases.  This, combined with the other thing I didn’t realize, messed me up so terribly that for the last several months I had come to think I would need to just close my account and start over. That other thing is that the online tracking reflects all purchases and deposits UNLESS the paperwork doesn’t come in within 3 days from the purchase and then they add the amount back into your available balance!!!  So, while my account was messed up and I was trying to figure it out on a regular basis, I was never able to figure out how much I really had *smacks head*.

I have now done two important things. I put a stop to the Keep the Change program!  I’ve also finally figured out down to the bottom line how much I have and I will NOT use the online tracking anymore.  The only thing I intend to do online is conduct transfers between savings and checking.  Considering I did fine for YEARS with hardly bouncing a thing in any of my accounts, it is so discouraging to have my account so messed up that I couldn’t see straight.  By finally figuring it all out I must admit to a strong sense of accomplishment And a hope that I can better stay on top of things.  I don’t like so much energy going to our finances. It’s so easy to get distracted and stressed by it.  Someday I’d love to not live paycheck to paycheck and yet there have been so many blessings in daily bread living.  I am sure that God allowed me to go through this season of confusion in our finances to both increase my trust in Him, and to test all that I have learned over the last several years of struggles He has led us through.  I feel like figuring this mess out was our wall of Jericho being brought down by the Lord and now I am more confident in Him in this new land we are in (new season in our walk).

God is Good!

The dream that confronted me with how overwhelmed I’ve been the last month was also encouraging and I was thinking more on that after I blogged yesterday.  Because when I was confronted with the obstacles to having my children and the charge in my dream (that was my fears and insecurities) saying that I couldn’t take care of them and they were given to someone else, I shifted into mama bear mode!  I was making plans to find and get my children with such fierce determination that I woke exhausted.

My mother was such an encouragement when we talked about this yesterday.  She told me that it *is* hard to have 5 children–and that I’m doing a wonderful job. She told me I’m raising kind, thoughtful, fun children who are brilliant and who she loves to be around. She assured me we’d get through this tough season in my health and that as the babies get older I *will* get enough sleep again   I don’t care how old you get, you never stop needing mama love

I have a new determination this week to set myself up for success.  I’m going to rest today while dh is home and then tackle each day slowly and with determination but not intensity.  I’m going to bento our fun meals that are helping everyone eat even healthier and more and I’m going to exercise with the Walk Away the Pounds DVDs that I was loaned and that so far are awesome!  I’m going to drink the salt water for my adrenals and I’m going to eat several small meals throughout the day to keep my energy going.

I also want to not be *don* by the time dh gets home so I need to figure out some way to energize mid-afternoon.  I think we’re going to start hitting the pool at least two days a week when he gets home.  Maybe we should try to make it more days–we need to stay cool in August when the temperatures really soar.  Anyway, that’s the area I really need to work on

My mother helped me interpret two very strange dreams I have had this last week.  I won’t go into the first because it’s very disturbing and the meaning is more important than the details. But, basically, as a mother I’m feeling overwhelmed with how needy my 5 children have been this last month.  I don’t know what is causing it, which is frustrating me.  I know we went on a trip and that takes a few weeks for children to recover from; dh and I are exhausted and I don’t function well in the summer; and they are spending a lot more time with neighbor children than they ever have–which is having more detriment than pluses.  But with what the summer heat does to my health issues it’s really hard for me to stay on top of the routines and structure I’ve put into place.  I *need* it to cool down–but have at least another month before we even have a hope of that.  Thankfully by the end of next month we should have our bathroom done and at least be spending our weekends (for a few weeks, at least) resting resting resting!

The idea that I’ll have seasons where I’m overwhelmed with 5 needy children is to be expected.  What is a bit more disconcerting is the second dream.  It involved spiders which are symbolic of temptations. The first one was small, and ugly, and just killed easily by me.  No big deal.  But the second one.  I was looking for something and thought it might be in a large closet, so I entered and in my peripheral vision I saw something move.  I turned quickly and behind the door was a large, ugly spider.  I jumped out of the closet and yelled for Bill.  He was taking his time and I had to yell for him to speed it up because I was terrified, but then he went in and got the spider in a jar.  It was like a tarantula with a strange red symbol on it.  I later realized it had been caught in a mouse trap and was secured even when I saw it, but I hadn’t known it at the time.

So in a way that was encouraging.  I am going to keep my eyes (physical and spiritual) open and trust that when that temptation comes I will have God already on top of things and my husband there to protect me.  Praise the Lord.

This is my friend’s blog http://gentlebento.blogspot.com/ and, apparently, there are several mamas at GCM doing Bento boxes to feed their children.  First, where have I been and how did I totally miss this??? And, second, as a child in Japan this is how we ate!!!  I had such warm fuzzies while reading her blog and I’ve been pouring over pictures and sites and ideas and ebay sellers all afternoon!  As soon as we get the big bill we’re saving for paid at the end of the month I get to invest in a few fun things, but for now I’m starting this with what we already have.  I can cut sandwiches into cute shapes, and cheese and fruit too, etc.  Tonight I served the beef and peas in a little Spiderman cupcake paper.  The kids loved it!  And I’ve shown ds1 and dd some of the pictures and they’ve said they would eat things that looked cute like that